There is no doubt that being married to someone is not equal to being in love with them. The fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce within a couple of years does not mean that harmony and understanding is the king in the other 50% percent. It is a rough guess but probably at least half of those 50% that do not divorce are unhappy with each other, or at least one of them is, but is not heading for divorce due to a variety of reasons – children, money, fear of being alone, etc. So, as it turns out, no more than 25% of all marriages are OK?

There must be a reason for this. Not that arranged marriages decades ago were better in terms of love but 3 out of 4 marriages being a living hell – isn't this too much? It is true that society changes and marriage as an institute changes as well but can these changes be so drastic that make marriage a remnant of the past?

Probably it is not that dramatic. Maybe it is more that people are not prepared for marriage and their expectations are very different from the reality. If marriage is regarded as the legal union of two loving hearts, what are the evil forces that kill love?

First, it is very different to be a couple with somebody and to be married to them. Even if you have lived for some time together before you tied the knot, it is not the same. When you are married, you have different responsibilities. And when children start arriving, especially when they are the result of an accident, rather than of a family planning, it becomes a bit of a nightmare. When one of the spouses does not want children but the other manages to trick him or her into having babies, even the strongest love is in risk. Children are a real burden, when they were not wanted by both partners.

Marriage gives the fake feeling of security. You have a loved one by your side and there is no need to make efforts to win him or her anymore – he or she is yours. So you don't have to pretend anymore that you are a nice and considerate person and now you can start reaping what you have planted – he or she is yours and will not leave you because you are being a little bit selfish. You can show your real face without having fears of being dumped.

The above situation might sound very unfair and hypocritical but actually this is precisely what happens in many marriages. After the knot is tied, people start to behave in a more selfish way because there is a smaller risk of being kicked out. Often this is subconscious – you just lose interest in what you have just acquired and start dreaming of new achievements but it is not an exception that such a change in behavior has been planned in advance.

Perhaps there are many more reasons for marriage being the killer of love but two that deserve attention are change in personality and lack of communication. People change all the time. This is inevitable. Going to university, starting a new job, moving to a different place – these are all factors that make us change. In the rare case when both partners change in a similar way, everything it is OK. But more often than not, personality changes are of the type that make mutual co-existence impossible and then divorce is the only solution.

Lack of communication is also a grave digger and one of the first symptoms that marriage is not working. When partners do not discuss openly with each other all major problems and most of the minor ones, this creates a vacuum, which will soon be filled by a third party – a lover, a close friend or a relative. When you let somebody else between the two of you, this is the death sentence of love!